When life gives you light roast…

Make a cellulite body scrub?

My family gives me light roast coffee for Christmas EVERY year. I’m sad they don’t know that I like my coffee beans bold and essentially burnt, but who am I to complain about Christmas presents?

I was on my last half cup of the last bag of coffee when I ran out of coffee creamer. My breaking point. I would rather drink tea than drink this coffee black. I’m a coffee snob, so what. We all have our *things*. Instead of throwing it in my compost pile, I decided to make a cellulite body scrub! I based this decision off of the main ingredient in my boujie cellulite lotion, Caffeine. It is believed that caffeine can reduce swelling around fat and constrict blood vessels for a tighter appearance.

I found a recipe for a coffee body scrub on the Free People blog and of course, I modified it. I used eucalyptus epsom salt, instead of coconut palm sugar because a) that ish is expensive and b) epsom salt is great for flushing out toxins!

1/2 cup coffee grounds + 1/2 cup epsom salt + 1/4 cup coconut oil.


This coffee body scrub is perfect for March. The mixture of coffee grounds & epsom salt exfoliate and remove dead skin cells. My skin was super slick after using this scrub, but it was because my dry reptile skin really absorbed the coconut oil. I felt so smooth and buttery. Keep this mixture in an air-tight container and it will last up to a year. (Although, let’s be real, it’ll be gone by the Summertime.)

May I suggest doing this scrub 1 or 2 times a week? (May I also suggest investing in a drain catcher for this scrub? You don’t want to clog your tub, even in the name of beauty!) Enjoy!

IMG_9068                               (Throw some gummy worms on that and I’d believe it was dirt cake.)


spongeposh harempants

D.I.L.L.V.B.G.A.F.? does it look like victoria beckham gives a fuck? i love this woman. she can do no wrong (except going blonde.) she scored the ultimate baldwin, got the boobs, and she didn’t even have to lift a finger. you won’t be seeing her on a episode of ‘where are they now’ anytime soon. her latest project: voice-overs for nickelodeon! her sons are probably so stoked. i mean, who doesn’t love that goddamn sponge? she’s playing the voice of queen amphitrite in an episode of spongebob squarepants. i wonder if she’ll eat a krabby patty or go jellyfishing. she’s a total babe, even as a cartoon mermaid. this episode airs on monday, july 5. i will be watching it while nursing a patriotic hangover.