vodka on the lox

smoked salmon vodka is the closest i’ll ever get to being a lesbian. do you realize how awful your breath is after a bagel with lox? it smells like the nordic sea. the only thing i ever want my vodka to taste like is cranberry and a little bit of lime. i totally enjoy flavored vodka, they can be sweet (stoli razz) and spicy (absolut peppar) or even healthy (van gogh acai-blueberry)! but what are the benefits of smoked salmon vodka? can you consider it breakfast, if you mix it with orange juice? alaska distillery is responsible for creating this vodka and guess where they are located….wasilla, alaska. only the meth capital of the last frontier and hometown to everyone’s favorite bratz doll, sarah palin. look guys, the only worthwhile thing to come out of your town are levi johnston’s abs, but i appreciate the creativity.


True Judy At Twerk

Received this text this weekend from one of my Head Hunting Divaz.

New record 6min blow job! Ur lil girls becoming a woman!

Practice makes perfecto

if i could just purge all the urges

this video is a total malibu wet dream. although there is a dreary undertone that makes me feel like i’m watching a video tribute of jeff spicoli’s life. hey animal collective, thanks for putting out this video! i kind of forgot about you and how much i loved merriweather post pavilion. ( sorry! )

spank bank

this is an oldie (and by oldie, i mean a few days). i never knew bill clinton’s bumpkin ass was such a soccer fanboi. he was all up in the v.i.p. box. partying with mick jagger and kobe bryant. were they all on a field trip with the philandering celebrities club? where was tiger? (just kidding, bill, nothing but love)

unfortunately, the us soccer team lost their game against ghana today and are officially out of the running for the world cup. now i have to pick new hotties. how sad. come to mami, carlos b.

spongeposh harempants

D.I.L.L.V.B.G.A.F.? does it look like victoria beckham gives a fuck? i love this woman. she can do no wrong (except going blonde.) she scored the ultimate baldwin, got the boobs, and she didn’t even have to lift a finger. you won’t be seeing her on a episode of ‘where are they now’ anytime soon. her latest project: voice-overs for nickelodeon! her sons are probably so stoked. i mean, who doesn’t love that goddamn sponge? she’s playing the voice of queen amphitrite in an episode of spongebob squarepants. i wonder if she’ll eat a krabby patty or go jellyfishing. she’s a total babe, even as a cartoon mermaid. this episode airs on monday, july 5. i will be watching it while nursing a patriotic hangover.